MICHELLE KEENAN empowers people and organisations to achieve optimal well-being by providing customised wellness coaching programmes tailored to their unique goals.
We’ve all heard phrases like, “just think positive!” or “everything happens for a reason”.
While these comments are usually well meaning, they often do more harm than good.
Toxic positivity is a mindset that insists on staying positive no matter what, often at the expense of acknowledging real feelings.
Toxic positivity sends the message that it’s not okay to feel sad, frustrated, or anxious.
We like to put things into binary boxes – good or bad, negative or positive, right or wrong.
But the emotions we often consider “negative” are not something to be avoided or pushed aside.
All emotions are messages, and give us information that help us understand our needs, navigate situations, and make decisions.
Life is full of ups and downs, and experiencing grief, anger, or contempt is as normal, and as okay, as feeling happy, excited, or content.
True optimism doesn’t deny difficulties. It allows space for uncomfortable emotions while holding onto hope and remembering that life is always in flux.
It’s about saying, “this is really hard right now, but I believe things can get better”. That balance between honesty and hope is where real resilience grows.
Here’s how you can avoid toxic positivity in your own life:
- Let yourself feel.
When things are tough, acknowledge your feelings without judgment. Give yourself permission to sit with them rather than trying to fix or change them. - Offer validation, not platitudes.
When supporting others, replace “you’ll be fine!” with “that sounds really hard, do you want to talk about it?” - Practice grounded optimism.
Look for the positives, but don’t ignore the challenges. It’s okay to say, “this isn’t ideal, but here’s what I can do right now”.
Life isn’t all sunshine and unicorns, and pretending it is can leave us feeling isolated, invalidated, or as though there’s something wrong with us.
By embracing the full spectrum of emotions, we make space for genuine connection, healing, and a healthier kind of optimism.
