And, it is little wonder mums who love their boys dearly are running from one parenting book or seminar to the next in an attempt to avoid creating the next male monster.
So when Nigel Latta’s latest book Mothers Raising Sons promised to help mums enjoy their male offspring, rather than stressing over their future, I was immediately intrigued.
After all, I want the best for my boys and all too often I hear how badly boys are faring throughout the world.
Known for being the psychologist with the squeaky voice on TV One’s Beyond The Darklands and lately The Politically Incorrect Parenting Show, Latta has analysed some of the worst criminals and toughest toddlers in New Zealand’s modern history.
If anyone knows what mistakes to avoid with boys he would have to be a top contender.
His book takes a new direction from popular boy experts, debunking many of the myths currently expounded about boys in Western society. In fact, he says that not much has changed for young males since ancient cave adolescents and their little brothers spread graffiti on cave walls and their mothers insisted they clean up the mess.
Latta exposes shortcomings of research about boys’ educational achievements, behaviour and psyche. When he delved deeper into popular theories, it turns out the opposite sexes are more alike than they are different. He encourages readers to dig beneath the surface of common misconceptions based on science and warns readers not to be fooled into thinking the worst.
Exploring what makes boys tick, Latta describes how they can become responsible men. Recognising too many boys act as though they are invincible, he states: “The way you teach responsibility is to make them responsible.
“If they make a mistake, then they fix that mistake up. It they do wrong, then we make them find a way to make it right again.”
The week I read this, three boys were killed in a car crash in Invercargill. I watched the driver’s parents say it was the car industry’s fault, society’s fault and just one bad choice. Yes, they were grieving, but I wondered if they had always found excuses for their 19-year-old son’s choices. The teenager paid for his lack of responsibility with his own life and that of his mates.
Latta’s use of humour, and ability to cut through the rubbish parents are often fed, makes for a refreshing and informative read.
He gives advice on everything from burning gaming consoles in the backyard, through to leaving crying five-year-olds to settle into their new classroom.
Importantly, he reassures mums they are a big part of their sons’ lives at every age. Bit of a shame really – my sons are teenagers and I thought I could pass all the work on to their father now.
